Next generation business cards (NSFW)

It amazes me every day to see how the Chinese are far ahead of us in many things. I have mentioned and illustrated some of those things in various posts. One of those things are business cards. While our cards look quite ordinary, not to say boring, the Chinese have taken the cards to a whole new level. The topic business cards plays a major role in the film 'American Psycho'. Watch it if you haven't.
Living in a commercial building means that many things are different, not ordinary, especially if the building you live in is the so-called 'Fuck building'. In this building there are a few companies, restaurants, tea places, massage parlours and many, many hotels. Some of them are love hotels and their clientele is couples who rent a room for a few hours in order to have sex.
I have seen all sorts of people in my building, families, couples, business people, young, old, etc.
A few days after moving in, I found a different kind of business card stuck on my door. I took it inside and looked at it for a while. I found it weird and didn't expect to see such a card, not in Guiyang though, as it is very traditional, but I would expect to see such cards perhaps in larger, more modern cities like Shanghai. I kept the card to show it to some of my friends and compare it to our boring ones. While our business cards are usually white and have a few details, like name, telephone number, email address, occupation, business address and perhaps a small sign or drawing (that of a pharmacy, etc.), and sometimes at the back a small map of the area where the business is located, these Chinese cards are totally different as you can see.
I wondered for a bit why it was stuck on my door, but then I realised that they must have thought, that my flat is a hotel room. Half of the 39th floor where I live is a hotel, almost all of the rooms on my side belong to a hotel which is based on a different floor, opposite me is Bobo's music studio and I'm the only tenant on this floor and one of the 5 or 6 in the entire building.
I have found many more cards stuck on my door, so I have a small collection as you can see.
Prostitution is something that exists everywhere, but as a westerner, it is not recommended to use such services in China, at least not in smaller places. As you can read on one of the websites underneath, don't expect too much from these ladies. The main reason to avoid such services is the danger a westerner might face. If you live long enough in the country and learn much about the country, the place you live in, the society, etc. you hear various true stories that make you shiver. Any local lady, whether professional or not, might shout 'rape' or 'abuse' or something like that and the westerner will be arrested, put in prison and kicked out of the country if he's lucky. If not, he'll rot in a prison cell. I heard and read some stories of people who got in trouble not only with prostitutes, but with ordinary women as well. So be careful.

Have a read here:

http://www.wikisexguide.com/wiki/Guiyang
http://www.internationalsexguide
http://prostitutes.sexy-date.net/china/guizhou/guiyang

The business decalogue for China

I found the above screenshot in one of the WeChat expat groups this morning and thought of sharing it with you, since some people want to move to China to work.

1. Everything is indeed possible in China. One visit in this country and you'll be amazed by what the Chinese build and do. They work day and night, so buildings, roads, tunnels, bridges, etc. are built in record time. You see gardeners everywhere taking care of the green, cleaners cleaning not only road surfaces and pavements, but the fences along the roads. You see bullet trains, massive train stations the size of Scarborough (like my wonderful assistant Jing once said), and much, much more. Things can be very simple in this country and many things are simpler than elsewhere.

2. Nothing is easy - especially for westerners. China and Asia are beyond our imagination, beyond our wildest dreams. You think you know the country, the people and the cuisine because you happen to know a Chinese person in your country, watched some programmes and have frequent dinners at a Chinese restaurant? You are so mistaken! There are so many traps you could walk into once in the country, so many things to learn, so many things to pay attention to, and if you happen to have some trouble at work or with the authorities, you'll see yourself on a plane home in no time.

3. Patience is the key to success. That's something the Germans were forced to learn some decades ago. I read in a German magazine once upon a time, an interview with a manager from one of the biggest German companies. Germans are not used to do smalltalk and go straight to business, as there's no time to lose. The Chinese (other Asians perhaps too, other western countries for sure) love smalltalk, dinners, going to a spa, have some drinks, etc. and then get to business. You might end up with a two day getting to know each other marathon, before you actually talk business. So, be very patient.

4. Like the Japanese, the Chinese won't say 'no'. There's this story of a western tourist somewhere in Japan, who enters a hotel and asks at reception if they have a free room. The Japanese receptionist at the fully booked hotel, doesn't say 'no' to the westerner, but tells it him somewhere between the lines. The westerner doesn't get the hints, and walks away frustrated after a long time.

5. Here is your 'no'. And they're absolutely right. You have to spend some time in the country and socialise with locals to learn how the country and the people work and function. See point 2, nothing is easy.

6. If you are used to sticking to plans, go according to plans, plan everything in advance and believe in spoken contracts, as if they were written ones, you will not survive. Things change every second, until the very last second. Expect the unexpected and try to be calm. There's nothing you can do. They are the bosses, they rule the world and you are just a little puppet, an insignificant nothing.

7. Like number 4. People will never tell you anything negative, you have to understand it somewhere between the lines.

8. If you believe that the signature on a contract means you have a safe deal, you haven't understood anything. Read point 6 again.

9. Expect the unexpected. Always. At any time. It will hit you, when you least expect it.

10. If you want to feel better, find a western restaurant (your body, soul, health, etc. will be very thankful), have some booze and book a ticket to either home or somewhere else.

Monday morning in Jinyang

It's early Monday morning and I am standing at the gate of a school in Jinyang, a suburb of Guiyang. I'm here to meet my director of studies and some colleagues and assistants, to hold a promotion at the school's open day. It's the second time I am here. The first time was more than a month ago and I was accompanied by my director of studies. I had to teach something for half an hour and she would do all the negotiations and the talking. 'We'll be done in an hour' she had said. Of course it took us longer. First because our driver took us to a different school, a public school next to the Canadian I used to work, then we had to find the way to this private school I am now, then we had to find the principal and her assistants, go to the room, set it up and wait for the pupils to come. 'Are you sure about the time?' I had asked. 'What about the flag raising ceremony?' I had asked. 'Don't worry about anything' was the answer I received. Well, since the pupils didn't show up, we went in search of them and discovered that they all were on their way to the flag raising ceremony.
The flag raising ceremony is a Monday morning event that takes place in every school in the country. All students, teachers and sometimes members of staff gather on a field, square, etc. of the school, three pupils carry the flag and raise it in very communist, very glorifying way. Everybody sings the national anthem, there are some speeches and awards giving, etc. Ceremonies might vary from school to school. But the ones I have seen so far in 3 - 4 different schools are identical. After 30 to 45 minutes (sometimes quicker if the weather is bad or the speeches and award giving don't take that long), everything is over and everyone returns to business.
It took us two hours that morning and since the driver had to leave, we took a taxi back.
This morning however, I am here at that very gate we entered the first time, but the gate is closed and locked, as it always is and the guard in the hut next to the gate has no information and won't let me in. I call my assistant Margaret to come pick me up, but she goes to the main gate. There's a bit of confusion when she sees that I am not there and since both of us don't know of the existence of a second gate, she has to ask someone to figure out where I am. It turns out that the main gate is where Margaret is and the gate I am waiting at is the side entrance that opens only early in the morning and in the afternoon when the parents come to either bring or pick up their children.
Anyway, we find each other and I am directed to the classroom I am supposed to teach for 30 minutes. Since it's Monday and since it's open day, we won't finish early. That's what my gut feeling tells me. Why? First of all, all of us, Margaret, me and three others have to teach, of course this doesn't happen at the same time. Secondly, it's flag raising ceremony and last but not least, a festive ceremony the school has organised for the parents will take place.
I mentioned in an earlier post, that businesses need a licence in order to employ foreigners. The number of foreigners has to be stated on that licence. In case the business doesn't own one, they can hire foreigners from a company that does. The requirements are very strict and in some cases the businesses have to wait up to one whole year to obtain a licence. This school is quite new and doesn't have one, that's why we are here today, that's why I was here about a month ago, to promote me, my skills, my school, etc.
I set up my room and go find the others. As I turn around the corner I bump into a group of pupils dressed in Miao and Han costumes. Miao are the largest minority in Guizhou province and Han are most Chinese. The kids get excited when they see me and I take many photos.
Many more students, parents, teachers and members of staff have gathered on the sports field to witness the show. As you can see from the attached photos and videos, it really is very colourful and beautiful.
After that, we all go to the classrooms. Of course parents come into the room, too and take photos and videos. After the lesson, pupils and parents are given a few minutes to ask questions. Of course the most important question is if you're married. They always ask this and many more personal questions, never anything related to work experience and qualifications.
The principal walks in and we're asked to vacate the room as it needs to be used by someone else. We walk around the premises in search of the others and when I spot Margaret in one of the classrooms, I want to enter through the open back door and watch her teaching. The director of studies grabs me by my backpack and holds me back saying, 'don't enter because you'll distract them'. I do a funny move and noise when she pulls me back, which is heard by some parents and pupils who sit near the door. They all turn around to see what is happening, and when they spot me, especially the mums, take their mobile phones and take some photos. I manage to take a few photos of Margaret in action before we continue our walk around.
Since I have come by my scooter, I don't have to wait for the others to finish and technically I am free to leave. Technically. Well, There's some meet and greet, some photoshoots with parents, teachers and pupils and lunch at the school's canteen. I had tried hard to avoid eating and walking anywhere near the canteen of the Canadian school, but here it would be insulting if I refused lunch. Lunch at a school canteen is horrible and should be forbidden.
Three or so hours later I am finally free to go.

The school's sign at the side entrance gate.

Art

What I am teaching today.

Blue is Miao, white is Han.

Pupils concentrating, mums watching.

School's sign at the front gate.

Margaret in action, never in distraction.

The first time I taught in this school. Topic of the day was 'weather'. I am doing the rain.

The lady in front of the black board is the director of studies.

Videos may not show or play on iPhones and iPads.

Here's some more reading stuff by me.

Extra income opportunities

It's a Monday afternoon in March and a young lady is asking in one of the WeChat expat groups if anyone has time on Wednesday morning for a promotion. I give it a try and contact that lady. There are so many opportunities to make extra money in this city, it's just unbelievable! I assume it's the same in other, predominantly smaller cities. Whenever local people want to celebrate an opening of their business, a new cooperation, or whatever, they hire a few foreigners to show their faces and smile and perhaps say a few words. It's a common practice. Many foreigners are against it and don't want to do it, because they say we're being treated like monkeys and have to dance to their money, etc. Some others don't mind it. I belong to the latter ones. I'll refrain from analysing and won't bore you with my point of view. Tante (aunt) Tina, as the Germans call Tina Turner, shares her views in the song Private Dancer. The topic is a different one, but you'll get the picture.
This young lady is working for a language training school across the (fuck) building where I live and her school wants to start a cooperation with a public primary school in the heart of Guiyang. As the public school doesn't have a licence to hire a foreign teacher directly, they hire one through a language school that has a licence. For this, the language school needs a second foreign teacher to show up at the primary on Wednesday morning and speak to the kids for a few minutes.
Wednesday, early in the morning and I'm standing in front of the KFC in the Garland Mall opposite my building, waiting for the young lady to arrive. She comes and we introduce each other. A few minutes later the driver arrives to pick us up and drives us to the centre. We park in an underground car park and walk a few minutes to the school. The school is located by the Nanming river, very close to the Jianxi Pavilion, and is one of the best in the country in calligraphy. I knew this school because my Chinese teacher lives next to it and have often walked down that path.
We tell the guards who we are and what we want and they open the gate. As soon as we are inside, the children stare at the young lady from New Zealand and me. We ask for the principal's office and get directions. We go up two flights and enter the office. We are warmly greeted and tea is made for us. We sit there and talk a little and some teachers enter the room and introduce themselves.
Half an hour later we all stand up and go down a floor where the balcony is. There we stand on the balcony and before us are hundreds of pupils. They all stand there quietly and wait for something to happen. The principal, a lady in her thirties, takes the microphone and says something in Chinese. She passes the mic over to me and asks me to say a few words. I raise my hand and make a greeting gesture and say
'Hello, how are you?'
'Im fine, and you?' shout hundreds of voices and shivers run down my spine.
"I'm happy to be here this morning!' I say and continue by introducing myself and saying some more things. Then I pass on the mic to Ariana, and she introduces herself and plays a little game with them. They have to form letters with their arms, like the Village People in the video YMCA. The kids love it!
Five minutes later, we are done. We say 'thank you', greet again and leave. First we go to the principal's office and wait until the pupils are in their classrooms and then we leave the premisses. We walk back to the car park and are driven back to Huaguoyuan, where we live and where that language training school is. I'm invited to that school and I get to meet all the staff, then the owner of the language training school invites us to lunch and we go to a nearby restaurant. There I get 350 Yuan, roughly 40 pounds, in a red envelope, as it's custom in this country and get the offer to work for them. Unfortunately it's on a day I have classes at my school and therefore can't make it.
Ariana will start work at that primary school soon and with her possibly a second foreign teacher.
'Money for nothing and chicks for free' as Dire Straits used to sing. Indeed I got money for nothing, but didn't get the chicks.

Pupils gathering in the yard (view from the principal's office)

 Taken from the balcony