I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!

Another day, another bench, another article to write.
Here I am again, sitting on a bench by the Hoan Kiem Lake in Hanoi, typing an article onto my MacBook. I am trying to finish the article within a certain time, because I want to go to see the water puppet theatre show later this afternoon.
While sitting and working, I am approached by various vendors and people. The first wants to sell me lighters, the second sunglasses, the third hats, the fourth something to eat. I ignore them all, but they disturb my concentration and I get worried that I won't finish the article within the time I want. To top it all up, some noisy locals occupy the bench directly opposite. In order not to get distracted, I put on my headphones and fire up Mixcloud on my phone. As always, I choose to listen to my favourite DJ Alex Pepper and put on the latest episode of Inside Trance. As I type to the beat, some people come and sit next to me on the bench and either try to talk to me or just stare on the screen. All of them leave when they realise that I am not going to respond.
As soon as I finish the article and am about to email it to my client, I notice somebody standing in front of me. I look up and see that he is speaking to me. I take my headphones off and say: Sorry, could you repeat that please? I didn't hear anything.
- Hello! Sorry to interrupt you. My name is Dave and I'm from Viet Nam News. I would like to interview you. Do you have a few minutes?
- Oh, yes, I do. I have just finished. Give me a few seconds to finish the email.
I then stand up and we have some smalltalk. He asks me various questions, like where I am from, how long I have been here, etc. I too, ask him various questions. He is American and graduated last summer. He studied journalism and was looking for a job. He found an internship at Viet Nam News and he's been here for nine weeks now. We continue our talk and then I ask him: Aren't journalists supposed to write everything down or tape or record it?
He says that he wants me to speak a few lines into the camera and he'll tape that. So he takes his tripod and his camera and we walk a few steps to find a good spot for the shoot. It takes a bit of time, because he is not satisfied with either the light, the background or the noise. Then he tells me what to say and the shoot begins.
My job is to say the name of the country, the language spoken in that country, Merry Christmas in that language and translate it into English. One try, and it's done. I’m the one who speaks Greek. He tells me that the video will be on their Facebook website around Christmas, and here it is:

After the shoot, I rush to the water puppet theatre to make it in time for the show.

It is fascinating to see that everything is decorated for Christmas. This will be the weirdest Christmas in my life. There was no decoration or anything christmassy in Saudi, there was lots of decoration and songs in China, which was also weird, but at least there, it was cold and foggy the there was a certain Christmas feeling. Here it's 30 degrees, it's in Asia and not even 10% of the population are Christians. Weird! 

I read about the Water Puppet Theatre on this website and some friends have been there and loved it. So, if you want to read more about it click on the link. The show is all in Vietnamese, but you can get an audio guide to listen to explanations and various info. The show begins and the audio guide starts talking and it even talks during the songs. I find it irritating and decide to stop the audio and just enjoy the show. The atmosphere in the theatre is etherial and mesmerising and listening to the songs makes you float away into a different world. You forget everything around you and dive deep into the performance, even though you don't understand a word. The truth is, you don't need to understand if you know what it is about. Besides that, you can guess much of it from what you see. 

Some people in the audience take many photos and videos, but I decide not do spoil the spectacle by staring at the screen of my mobile phone. I take the very few photos and videos you see underneath and enjoy the show.

The spectacle lasts for 50 minutes and I'm sad and happy when it comes to an end. 

One piece of advice if you plan to go there: opt for the VIP seats on the first row. They cost a bit more, but you sit in front of the stage and nothing spoils your view. Plus, if you are a tall westerner, you'll have plenty of legroom. The other seats don't offer much legroom, because the theatre is built for Asians, who are rather short. I didn't go for those seats, because I thought that the stage would be raised and that I wouldn't be able to see much, but it isn't. 

If you decide to watch the show in Ho Chi Minh, try to avoid the front row. I was told that the front row is very close to the stage and you might get wet.

Julia

It's Sunday and I am still in Hanoi. Two more days before I leave for Ninh Binh. Like every day, I walk to the V-Sandwich-Eatery place opposite my first accommodation here in Hanoi and have a vegan breakfast. Because I eat the same two Banh Mi (sandwich) every day, I don't have to tell the owner what I want. She nods approvingly when she sees me and prepares the two banh mi. Aren't I boring?

The one on the right

 I have the fried tofu and the vegetarian kebab (bottom right)

 The owner

 inside

I then walk to the Hoan Kiem Lake, which is south of the Old Quarter. The streets around the lake have been closed to traffic since Friday afternoon and will open again tonight. Every weekend, the area around the lake becomes an entertainment and recreational zone for the locals. There are arts exhibitions, concerts, dances, people play on the streets or just take a stroll around the lake and occupy the numerous benches and enjoy the sun and the view.

Some images of the stroll around the lake

 The Southeast Asia Football Cup is on (Vietnam will win the cup)

 Turtle Tower on Turtle Island

I too, take a long stroll around the lake and enjoy the view and watch the locals. My goal however is to find a bench, preferably with a free communal WiFi connection to do some work. My mobile carrier unfortunately doesn't allow me to use my phone as a hotspot, so I have to find a free WiFi connection somewhere. I succeed in finding a spot on a bench with free WiFi reception just opposite the turtle island and sit next to an artist who draws the Turtle Tower and everything around it on a sheet of paper with a pencil. We look at each other shortly, he goes back to drawing and I take out my computer. I have to write three articles until tomorrow and will spend a big part of the day working.
I glance over to the artist next to me and on the tower on Turtle Island every time I need some inspiration and notice how many people have gathered behind the artist. He doesn't seem to be bothered and continues his work. I am drawn into my work and don't notice when he leaves. When I look up again to gaze and think about what to write, I see that the space next to me is empty.
However, a few minutes later, as I am about to finish my first article and struggle with the ending, I hear a female voice asking:
 - Can I sit here and practice English with you?
My thought is, please no, I am busy and blah blah. To tell the truth, I am busy and I have been warned by my first landlord to avoid everyone who says they want to practice their English, because in many cases, they are up to no good. During my time here, I have been asked this question a few times by dodgy looking people and I have either not responded at all or replied in a foreign language, so they went away.
But this time it's different.
Before I can even answer, before I can even look up, I hear the sound of a plastic bag landing next to me on the bench and someone crawling up the bench. And then I face her:

Julia

'Oh, that is a surprise!' I think to myself. 

- I would like to practice my English with you.

Well, my mind is still on my article and needs a bit of time to do the switch, and before I can even answer, she says:

- Thank you for letting me practice my English with you!

- Err, I haven't had the time to answer you yet and I haven't said yes. And how do you know I speak English?

- You are a foreigner and you look intelligent, so you must speak English.

- Thank you very much for the compliment. In fact, I do speak English, but it is not my mother tongue.

- Not your mother tongue? Where are you from?

- Your English sounds very good to me. Are you sure you need someone to practice?

- Thank you very much. Yes, I want to practice. Where are you from and what language is this on your computer?

- This is German.

- What are you writing?

- An article.

- About what?

- About healthy food.

- Healthy food? Like what?

- Mainly fruit and vegetables and how more and more people become vegans and vegetarians.

- Interesting. Are you a vegan or a vegetarian?

- No, I am not. I eat everything.

- Then why do you write an article about this topic?

- Because I am paid to write it and because the topic interests me. I have a vegan breakfast every day.

- I see. Why do you have a vegan breakfast if you are not a vegan?

- Because I wanted to try something different and I liked it. So I have it every day now. 

- Would you like a snack? She asks and takes a bag of crisps out of the plastic bag she threw on the bench earlier on.

- They are crisps, not a snack.

- Crisps?

- Crisps is the British English word for chips. 

- They are not chips, they are a snack.

- No, they are chips or crisps and they are not healthy and I don't eat crisps.

- They are a snack and they contain tomatoes.

- Hmm... Fair enough, but they are crisps and not healthy.

- They are a snack!

- I give up. Snack it is.

- What do you mean?

- Well, if you say it is a snack, then it is a snack.

- But you don't believe it is a snack.

- It is unhealthy junk food. Your English is fantastic! Where did you learn it? At school?

- No, we don't do English at school yet.

- So, where did you learn it?

- I have a teacher.

- Your teacher must be a very, very good one! How old are you?

- You haven't told me where you are from. Are you from Germany? This is an Apple computer, right?

- Yes, it is a MacBook Pro. You seem to know about computers.

- Yes, I have an Apple at home, but with a big screen. 

- Ah, you have an iMac. I want to buy one of those, too.

- Where are you from? What is your name? Are you married? Do you have children?

- So many questions .... Do you work for the government?

- No, I am too young to work.

- How old are you? And what is your name?

- I asked first.

- Ok lady! My name is Theo, I am 44 years old and I'm Greco-Bavarian. I am not married and I have no children.

- Of course you have no children.

- What do you mean?

- You can't have children if you are not married.

- Really? I didn't know that! Why is that?

- Because you can't kiss on the mouth if you are not married.

- Hmm... that is interesting ... tell me more!

- It is easy. Only married people can have children, because they can kiss on the mouth.

- Well, it's not exactly like that, but I believe in this country things might be as you say.

- Yes, you can have children, when you are married, because you can kiss on the mouth.

- Do you want to get married and have children?

- I am a child.

- I can see that. But in 15 to 20 years, do you think you will want to get married and have children?

- Yes.

- How many?

- Two. A boy and a girl.

- Many people have the same wish. You still haven't told me your name.

- My name is Julia.

- Pleased to meet you Julia. What a wonderful name you have! Do you also have a Vietnamese name?

- No, you can call me Julia.

- OK, Julia. How old are you?

- I am nine.

- You are very intelligent. Your parents must feel very lucky with you.

- What country did you say you are from? I didn't understand it.

- Oh, I am Greco-Bavarian.

- What?

- Hahahahhaaa

- Why are you laughing?

- Well, I was born in Germany, in Munich, which is the capital of Bavaria, but I hold a Greek passport. So, this makes me a Greco-Bavarian.

- Aha... Do you know what this is? She points at the Turtle Tower on the island in front of us.

- Yes, I do. Do you?

- Of course I do. What is it?

- Why do you want to know, if you already know what it is? Do you want to test me?

- Yes!

- Oh boy!

- What?

- Nothing. It is the Turtle Tower on the Turtle Island.

- Do you know why it is called like this?

- Yes, I do.

- Why?

- Oh boy!

- What?

- It is the long story of Le Loi and the sword he received from the Dragon King and the battle against the Chinese.

- Yes, it is. How do you know the story?

- I went on a bicycle tour with some friends last week and the tour guide told us the story. I wanted to learn more about it and found some information online. It is a very interesting story.

- Yes, it is. Where are your friends now?

- They have left. Some are still somewhere in Vietnam, but most have returned to their countries.

- Aha.

- Who taught you the story, Julia?

- Everybody in Hanoi knows the story.

- Really everyone?

- Yes. We also learnt it at school.

- Ah, good. Where are your parents? Is it them? (I point at a couple that has sat next to us, but look far too young to have a daughter that age).

- No!

- No? Where are they?

- They are sitting over there. (She points at some people sitting on the ground, but none of them is looking toward our direction).

- When did you come to Vietnam?

- Are you sure you don't work for the government?

- I am a child, I don't work. I go to school.

- Hmm...

- What?

- Nothing.

- When did you come to Vietnam?

- Two weeks ago.

- Why?

- Oh boy!

- What?

- I came to run a marathon.

- A what?

- A marathon. Actually, I ran half a marathon.

- What is this?

- A marathon is a distance of 42,195 km. Half a marathon is 21,095 km.

- Where did you run it?

- In Ha Long Bay. Have you ever been there?

- Yes, in my summer holidays.

- Did you like it?

- Yes, a lot.

- Did you like it?

- Yes, I also liked it a lot. It is a very beautiful place.

- Why did you go to Ha Long to run?

- I saw photos of it in a magazine and liked them. That's why I came to run there.

- Aha. Have you been to other places in Vietnam?

- Yes.

- Which ones?

- Oh boy!

- Why do you say Oh Boy all the time?

- Are you sure you don't work for the government? Are you spying on me?

- I am a child. I don't work. What is spying?

- I have also been to Sa Pa.

- Oh, Sa Pa is beautiful!

- Yes, very beautiful! I liked it a lot there.

- How many days did you stay?

- Three.

- Will you visit any more places?

- Yes, many, but I don't know which ones yet.

- Why?

- I haven't decided yet.

- Why?

- Because there are so many beautiful places in this country and I don't know where to go.

- Why?

- Oh boy!

- What?

- Look, I am sure you know that Vietnam is a very long country with many places. I have bought a tourist guide, but I haven't had the time to read it all. I have made a list with a few places other people  suggested.

- Why haven't you read the tourist guide?

- Because I am busy. I have a lot of work and not much free time. And in my free time, I visit places in Hanoi or as I said, I went to Ha Long and to Sa Pa. 

- Aha.

- Can you recommend and places I should go?

- Yes.

- Which ones?

- Ninh Binh and Hoi An.

- Ah, I read about them in my guide book.

- You said you didn't read your guide book.

- I said that I haven't had the time to read it all, but I had the time to read part of it.

- Aha.

And in this moment her mum appears behind the bench and apologises that her daughter kept me busy for such a long time. I tell her that the pleasure is all mine and that I have enjoyed it and have found it quite funny.

- What did you find funny? Julia asks.

- Oh boy! 

- What?

- I find it funny that, despite the fact your English is perfect, you wanted to practice with me. And I found some of the questions you asked funny.

- Why were they funny?

Her mum tells her something in Vietnamese and she stops asking questions. I continue the little chat with Julia's mum and after a few minutes someone from a group of people calls her and she says they have to go. I ask Julia if I can take a photo of her and she agrees. Me and Julia stand up and bow at each other and then I bow at her mum, like it is custom in this part of the world. We exchange a few nice words and off they go.

I then continue my article and when I finish it and am about to leave, a street artist approaches me and shows me the drawing he made of me. I buy it, we say thank you to each other and I go for dinner.

What a day!

The drawing. Me on the bench writing an article on my Mac.

If you would like to read more by me, find the following two on Amazon:

Sa Pa - Day 2 and 3

It was a rather chilly night in an unsurprisingly comfortable bed. Beds are usually very hard in this part of the world and in some cases the mattress is made of wood. That's not a joke! When I was living in Guiyang in China, my first house had a mattress that was too firm for me. I didn't mind, or better said, I didn't notice it the first night, because after an endlessly long journey, my housemate, my superior and some colleagues had the idea of going out, so we went pubbing and clubbing and I was dead tired when I went to bed. But I did notice the firmness after two or three days. I couldn't sleep and my body ached. So I went to the shops to buy something soft to put on the mattress. This helped a little.
When I moved houses a few months later and was in search of a flat, I was taken to a beautiful flat in Huaguoyuan overlooking the square with the fountains, the lake and the shopping centre, but was shocked to see that the beds had plywood boards as mattresses. The two Chinese who were with me were not surprised with that, they were surprised with my reaction and insisted I should take the flat. Well, I didn't, and got a different one in a nearby building that had a very hard mattress.
When I asked them why the mattresses are so hard, they said that the like to have a straight back when they sleep. And this is why you see them sleeping everywhere, like on the floors, on benches, really everywhere, and they have no issues with it.

Anyway, this one here has a good one, so 'Warmduscher' like us can sleep on it. The night however was humid and chilly, but I managed to wrap myself in the blanket and stay warm. Oh, how I wish I had my sleeping bag with me!

Since I went to bed late last night and since we won't start before 10am or 10:30am, I decide to sleep until 8ish. I hear that many others are up already and imagine a queue in front of the one loo, one shower and one sink. Bloody hell! I should have asked the agent to show me photos and give me more info about the accommodation. The photos would surely have been photoshopped, but still, it gives you an idea of what to expect. Expect the unexpected as we used to say with my colleague Leslaw in Shanghai.

When I finally decide to get up, I am surprised to see no queues at all. After a long hot shower I get out to the patio to have a look around, because it was already dark when we arrived last night and you couldn't see anything.

And this is what you see

I then take a few photos of the ramshackle hut they are calling homestay

The entrance with the breakfast/dinner tables

This is on the right hand side of the building. See the two doors? The far right is the loo, the middle one is the shower and the left, the open one is where the hosts live. If you look closely enough and have good eyesight, you might be able to spot the sink and the washing machine.

err, yes.

ground floor sleeping area with my room on the right. There was another room directly opposite. I think there were the only separate rooms.

Upstairs sleeping area.

Click here if you want to learn more about homestay.

After taking these photos, I go inside to dry my hair. As it is quite long now, I carry a hairdryer with me. Some other travellers give me a funny look when they hear the noise and see me, but I don't really care.
With my fresh hairdo, I then go out and sit at the table with the others. We start a conversation while waiting for the breakfast to arrive. The owners are a bit later with serving, because they want all of us to be gathered at the tables, so nobody misses it. But since the Singaporean lady is still somewhere inside, we have to wait and wait and wait.

The French who were dinking beers, smoking pot and doing bong last night seem to be fit and in a good mood. The British girl is still coughing, so I give her half my Strepsils to soothe her throat.
I sit next to a Dutch, a Canadian and two French. We talk about travels, how long we have been on the road, why we came to Vietnam, how long it took to get here, what places we have visited before Sa Pa, what places we are going to visit after, etc. The Dutch says that he quit his job, gave up his flat and has started a journey that will probably last a year. He visits countries with either no visa requirements or countries you can easily get a visa for up to a month. He was in South Korea, Japan and China before coming to Vietnam and will continue through Southeast Asia for the next half a year. When he decides that he's had enough of travelling, he will return to the Netherlands, get a flat and a job for the next few years. He says something I like, when asked by one of the French if he doesn't get tired of travelling, sightseeing, etc. He says that sometimes, like in Korea, he took a holiday from his holiday and spent a few days on the beach with doing nothing.
I ask the Canadian how long it took her to get here and if she visited some other places. I ask her this question, because I remember something Ken said on the boat in Ha Long Bay.
When will you tell me the frequency Kenneth? I started listening to R.E.M since that day on the boat and have been listening to 'E-bow the letter' again and again. It's such a beautiful song and Patti Smith's voice is just magical.
He said that he left the US on a Tuesday, crossed the Pacific and arrived in Hanoi on a Thursday. So, Wednesday never happened. Is this considered time-travel? The Canadian reports the same and she says that she will gain that lost day on her way back.

The breakfast ladies come with two heaps of pancakes and all of us are relieved to see that it's not rice and noodles. They also bring bananas and some honey. The disappointing bit is, that it's only one banana for each of us. Which means we are still hungry.
The tour guides arrive in the meantime and go around with lists trying to find their victims. I get to be with the Singaporean lady again and our tour guide says that we will be all together up to a certain point and then split. The guide tells the Singaporean lady that she will be brought back to Sa Pa by bus after lunch and tells me that we will continue trekking until the afternoon. Oh boy!

As you can see, it's a lot of us today.

We pass by some houses

Some locals join us, who will later try to see us different things they make themselves

It is quite demanding to trek here, especially when the ground is wet, which it is in many parts.

First stop after a while

Bamboo jungle

Second stop. There are two possible routes from here, the longer, which goes up the mountain and the shorter, which goes down the mountain. Both meet at the same point.

Rocky Mountains

Art made by locals

a horse

a bridge

Don't go chasing waterfalls..

Please stick to the rivers and the lakes you're used to ... (TLC, Waterfalls. R.I.P. Liza Left Eye Lopez)

Is your eyesight good enough to spot the bridge?

Bridge

This is the old bridge next to the new one in the photo above. The old one is not in use anymore.

Playing Star Wars

Lunchtime

Master Chef

Not much, but filling and tasty

I still have no reception, while being at the restaurant, which is in a village, but I spot a WiFi router on the wall and ask for the key. I see that one of the guides talks on the phone and realise that the Vietnamobile SIM my first host provided me with in Hanoi, may have 150 GB of data and I don't know how much talk time, but it's rubbish compared to other networks. If I get a signal it's up to 3G and not LTE and I can't use my phone as a hotspot. I will later discover that Viettel offers the best coverage, has a good reception with good speeds and you can use your phone as a hotspot.

After lunch, a bus arrives and we all are asked to enter. I ask where the bus is going, since I know that most of the people are leaving today and have to go back to Sa Pa, and am told that all of us are returning to Sa Pa. I have to say that I am relieved about this and don't ask further questions. The reasons?
1. Even though it's sunny and hot now, it looks like the weather will change soon.
2. Sa Pa means hotel, and not a dodgy homestay.
3. Looking at the time, I somehow doubt that there will be time to have a shower at the hotel before heading back to Hanoi. And I will be right about it.

I fire up one of the maps on my phone to see where we are and see that we are only 10 km away from Sa Pa. However, it says that it takes one hour to get there. Seriously? Yes. Why? First of all, we have to drive to another village on the way to drop off the guides, and secondly, the road is a narrow bumpy dirt road. So, after an hour, we arrive at the hotel in Sa Pa.
As soon as we get to the reception, we are asked for our names. The ones who are leaving pretty soon, are asked to collect their luggage and go down the steps to the bus, which will take them to the coaches to Hanoi. So, there really is no time to have a shower.
I am so happy to be staying here tonight!
I go for lunch first and then one of the personell helps me with my luggage and shows me my room. I want switch on the air con and have a hot shower, but discover that the A/C is not working and that there's no hot water. I call reception and they flip a switch somewhere and both work.

Room with a view and a balcony  

I love the brand name hihihihi

This is later in the afternoon. The weather has really changed and worsened. Glad, I am not somewhere out there.

Another reason why I am happy not to be trekking until tomorrow is, that by doing so, you don't get to see Sa Pa at all. The little I saw, it looks pretty.

After having a shower and spending some time in my room I go down to the restaurant for dinner and  then go for a walk. In the restaurant, I bump into two danish ladies who were at the homestay last night and the trek this morning. They are students and have taken some time off to travel through Southeast Asia. Two Spaniards are brought to our table and we get to know each other. While the Danish ladies say that the liked the homestay and that it was very warm on the upper floor where they slept, the Spaniards say that they arrived this noon and did a trekking tour to a nearby village. They will spend the night in the hotel and go on a day long tour tomorrow and spend the night in a homestay somewhere. They are worried about the weather and are not sure if they want to go on that tour. They will decide tomorrow morning on what to do.
We do the usual talk about travels and I ask them about the 'El Camino'. One of them did the shorter version from Portugal to Spain. I didn't know this route, until a Filipino couple from our running group mentioned it. The Spaniard says that part of the route is quite demanding and I joke that this here is training for it. My plan is to do the entire 800 km and beyond Santiago until the sea.

I say goodbye after a while and go explore Sa Pa. Well, I don't get to go far, because the city is stretched out and the hotel is quite far from the centre. However, I walk for half an hour until I reach a massage place. There I think, that a foot massage would be great now and enter. I request a 60 minutes foot massage, and boy it's good!

It is quite spooky and cold now, fog has covered the city and you hardly see anything.

This is what I bought from the various kids along the way and 'Mein Führer' yesterday.

In the morning, day 3 in the meantime, I go to reception to ask a few questions. I am told that checkout time is 12 o'clock, pick up time is 2pm and departure time is 3pm. I then go to have breakfast.

I leave my room at 12 and spend two hours in the restaurant, where I also have lunch. The Danish ladies left by night bus last night and the Spaniards decided to go trekking, so, nobody is around.
At 2pm, a bus arrives and the reception area gets busy. The same procedure as yesterday and as every day. Those who are leaving with the 3o'clock coaches, have to collect their stuff and leave immediately. So, no time for a shower. We are all taken to the various agencies in town, from where we will get on the coaches.

The lady in the Fansipan agency speaks of VIP buses and point at two buses parked directly opposite, but one of them is more VIP. It's the one with the fewer and wider beds and the WiFi on board. Unfortunately, I get to travel with the other one. My coach has 40 narrow beds in three rows. Luckily, it's not fully booked. Again, we have to take off our shoes and put them into a plastic bag. The trip is scheduled to last six to seven hours and as we will soon discover, the bus has no heating, but only cooling. I take three blankets and wrap myself in to stay warm.

The door in the back is the loo

I take this photo while in Sa Pa and send it to my colleague Har-El. One of her students from last summer is called Flaco. 

Disco, disco partisani!

It is after 10pm when I arrive in Hanoi and walk the sort distance to my Airbnb place. The place is well hidden inside a gated community, but easy to find if you follow the instructions provided by the host. And this is what I have booked:

Entry hall, bathroom to the left, rest of the house to the right

Living room with one of the bedrooms. The second bedroom is up the ladder

Downstairs bedroom

Upstairs bedroom

Here, I will spend another week, before making my way south.

Good night world!

If you would like to read more by me, find the following two on Amazon: